Deb
by ReadingFox
Summary: The Tallest are saved by a mysterious girl who claims to be Dibs cousin. What happens? Read on to find out.
1. Meetings

Deb

"Red! Red, where are you?"

"Over here Purple! Hurry, they're coming!" Almighty Tallest Red grabbed the claws of Almighty Tallest Purple, and began to run.

"Over here! The aliens are here!" screamed a teenager with scythe like haircut.

Running under an overpass, the two Irken leaders tried to lose their pursuer by hiding in the shadows. Suddenly, a pair of hands shot out of the gloom and wrapped themselves around their necks. Red and Purple found themselves pulled off their feet and into a small dark space.

"Shh! Stay still and be quiet." said a voice. "It's okay, I'm a friend." Purple was on the verge of screaming, but a hand clamped down over his mouth. A face to go with the voice came into light. It was a young earthling female with black hair and cerulean eyes. She whispered to Purple.

"Don't scream. I won't hurt you. Just stay still and don't make a sound. I'm going to get rid of those goons who're chasing you." She removed her hand and slipped back into the shadows once again. Purple and Red huddled together, too scared to make a sound. After several tense minutes, the girl returned.

"Okay, they're gone I put them off on a wild goose chase." she said, shrugging off a thick woolen shawl. Red could take it no longer.

"Who the heck are you?!" he blurted out. "What do you want with us?"

"Red!" admonished Purple. "Do you really want to antagonize the human who just saved our squeedly-spooches?" the girl smiled.

"You would be wise to listen to your friend." she said. "But to answer your question, my name is Debbie, but friends call me Deb. And as for what I want with you...well, I just didn't want to see you spread out on an autopsy table. I prefer to study live specimens, unlike my moronic cousin Dib. Hang on, let me light a lantern so we can see each other better. We can't afford to open the curtains." there was a moment of brief scurrying, and then the room was brightly lit. Red and Purple looked at their surroundings. They seemed to be in a tiny wood shack built right into the overpass. It was scantly furnished, with only a small table, an old park bench covered in cushions, an trashcan which had been made into a stove, and a bunch of dead grass covered in a sheet with a blanket and a threadbare pillow.

"It's not the greatest place to live, but it's home. Would you like some tea?" said Deb, setting down three chipped mugs and an old copper kettle.

"Um...thank you for saving us." said Purple, taking a mug. "But you said you wanted to study us?"

"Oh don't worry. I just want to ask you a few questions about your race." replied Deb. "From your appearances, I'm guessing you're the same race as Zim." Red nodded.

"We are the leaders of the Irken race, the Almighty Tallest." he replied importantly, puffing out his scrawny chest. Deb jotted this down in a small notebook.

"That's an interesting title." she said, half to herself, half to them. "So your hierarchy is based on hight, not intelligence or popularity with the people?"

"Ha! When you're as tall as us, your popularity skyrockets! And everyone knows that the tallest Irkens are the smartest!" Red scoffed.

"I see. Fascinating!" replied Deb, jotting down his words. "Are there always two Tallests? Or is it a requirement?"

"It's just us." said Purple. "We ended up the exact same hight, so we share the power."

"And how tall are you two?"

"Six foot two by earthling measurements." answered Red. Deb chewed thoughtfully on the end of her pen.

"I gotta tell you guys, you don't seem like Zim at all. You're less spastic." she said. Red narrowed his eyes at her.

"Do NOT compare us to that...that Defect!" he snapped. Deb shrunk back a bit.

"What's a Defect?" she asked after a few seconds of cowering. Purple laid a two clawed hand on his friends shoulder.

"I'll handle this one Red." he said softly. He turned to Deb. "A Defect. My dear Deb, is a term used for Irkens whos Paks function abnormally, causing them to effect the Irken in rather negative ways."

"So, they're like Zim? All crazy and stupid?"

"Precisely. Actually, we sent Zim here to get him out of our Lekku. But he's just as annoying if not worse!" Deb started chewing on her pen again.

"Okay, I think I get it. But I'd like to ask you some questions about your anatomy if that's okay."

"Fire away." said Red, now calmed down.

"First off, what the heck is a Pak?"

"Our Paks are our life support systems. They carry our minds, memories, high scores, and all our information." said Red

"So, you'd die without them?!" asked Deb in shock. Purple nodded.

"In ten minutes." he said with a shudder.

"Second question, why did Tak and Zim have three claws and you guys only have two?"

"Because we're the Tallest. It's all part of a show of power. We can rule the universe with only two claws!"

"Cool! Third, what are Lekku? Are they some vital part?"

"That's our word for these." said Purple, tugging on Reds antennae gently. Red flinched and pulled away.

"I take it they're sensitive." said Deb observantly. Red nodded.

"Very. Getting them pulled out in battle can kill us by sheer pain alone."

"Doubly cool! Next question, how does your race reproduce? Do you bud from one another or-"

"Why do you want to know that?!" asked Red, horrified. Deb shrugged.

"Curiosity." she said. "We can skip that one if you like."

"Please." said Purple. The hours passed quickly, Deb asking as many questions as she could think up, and the Tallest answering to the best of their ability. It was nearly midnight when Deb finally ran out of questions.

Suddenly, a device on Reds left wrist began to beep.

"The Massive! It's calling us! We're saved!" shouted Purple, leaping up excitedly. Red shushed him and pushed a button on the device. A hologram of an Irken communications officer appeared.

"My Tallest, you're alive! We're locking on to your co-ordinates. Just sit tight and we'll have you back on the Massive within twenty minutes." said the little hologram.

"Good." said Purple. "Carry on Commander." The hologram fuzzed out and The Tallest looked at one another.

"Finally Red, we're going home!" said Purple happily. Red nodded and rubbed his claws together gleefully.

"Yes. And then we can vaporise this filthy little mud ball!" he said. Deb gasped.

"Hey! Hold on a second! You can't blow up the earth!" she snapped. "You'll kill everyone!"

"Good! Then we won't have to worry about Zim or being brought here again!" snarled Red. Deb looked up at him in shock.

"But what about me?" she asked softly. "I thought we were becoming friends...and now you want to kill me." Red opened his mouth to say something, then stopped.

"We didn't mean it like that." said Purple. Then, he snapped his fingers. "Wait! Why don't you come with us?" Deb looked up, confused.

"Say what? What do you mean 'come with you' ?" She asked. "You mean, on the Massive?"

"Great idea Purple!" said Red. "You can learn firsthand about Irken culture and society, and you'll be under the protection of the Tallest, so no one can bother you." Deb sat and thought in silence for a few minutes.

"Oh, what the hell." she said finally. "There's nothing for me on earth. But I have one condition." Red and Purple nodded to show they were listening.

"You don't blow up earth. You guys said Irkens need sweet starchy carb rich foods to survive right? Well, earth makes plenty of those kind of snacks! You could proclaim it as Irken territory, and leave it as it is so the humans don't suspect anything. You can make trips here whenever you like, sort of like a resort planet!" She looked at the Tallest hopefully.

"That's actually a really good idea." said Purple. "We needed a new vacation place anyway." Red nodded and held out a hand.

"You've got yourself a deal. Welcome to the Irken empire Deb."

*~*~*~*~*~

**Hello again y'all! Well, here's the skinny: I was writing a whole bunch of fanfics, but my computers motherboard got fried, so we had to get a new one but all my old files were destroyed and I had a 7 page chapter for 'Bride of Chase Young' but it got destroyed so I wrote this out until I can copy and paste all my old stories into my writing program and continue with the works you all love. But for now, enjoy this! **


	2. Aboard the Massive

Deb Chapter 2

A few minutes later, the two tallest and their new human ally were grouped together in the center of the shack.

"So, this teleportation beam will take us onto the massive, even through the concrete of the overpass?" asked Deb nervously, holding tightly to the strap of her duffel bag. Red nodded.

"Yep. It'll feel kind of tingly, but you'll get used to it." he said. Deb looked unconvinced.

"Don't worry about it." said Purple. "You'll love the Massive! It's got training facilities, a cafeteria, and a Splorch ball room!"

"What in the name of Nightwish is Splorch ball?"

"It's an Irken pastime. I'll tell you later."

"Massive to Tallest, Massive to Tallest! Do you read me?" said a voice from Reds wrist. Red pressed a button and spoke into the device.

"Rodger that Massive, we read you loud and clear. We're all set to be teleported."

"Understood. Prepare to be beamed aboard." said the voice. All of a sudden, the air around them started to buzz and tingle. Deb grabbed onto Purple's arm fearfully. All at once, it happened. Deb felt as though she had just been broken up into a million little pieces and tossed to the four winds. A minute later, she felt a small tap on her shoulder.

"Hey Deb, you can let go now. We're on the Massive." said Purple. Deb opened her eyes and looked around. She gave a soft 'oh' of surprise. She was in the cockpit of the most humongous space ship ever created, surrounded by Irkens.

"My tallest!" one Irken yelped. "One of the humans has followed you! We'll have her disintegrated immediately." he snapped his fingers and in an instant, thirty Irken soldiers with Ray guns had surrounded Deb.

"No!" Shouted Red. "No one touches her! How dare you even think of harming our new pet!" One of the soldiers lowered his gun in confusion. Catching on to the ruse, Purple began petting Debs head, comfortingly.

"There now pet." he soothed. "We wont let those soldiers hurt you." Deb looked up at him in what she hoped looked like fear and adoration.

"Pet is scared Master Purple." she said softly, clinging to Purples arm again. "They wants to kill Pet." Deb quickly hissed to Purple. "You owe me big time for this! Your pet? What the hell man?"

"Just go with it." whispered Purple. "It's just for a little while."

"Fine." said Deb, still keeping up her Pet act. "But don't even try putting a leash on me."

"Hey Purple, stop hogging the Pet. I want to pet her." Deb was handed to Red and listened as he outlined his plans.

"Sorry about this, but it's the only way we can keep you without looking like we've gone soft. You'll have to deal with a collar until you're a bit better known around the ship." he whispered in her ear. "Then you can stop acting and start researching."

"Right, it's all in the name of science." Deb huffed. Red stopped petting her and gave some orders to the Irkens controlling the ship, after which he and Purple led her to what seemed to be some sort of lounge.

"This is where you'll be staying for a while." Said Purple. "We've got some stuff to do, but a service drone will be here to serve you soon."

"Fine." The Tallest left and Deb was alone. She looked around the lounge for a while. There was a large window on one side, looking out into the infinite reaches of space.

"Cousin Dib would kill for this. What a view!" she said to herself. Suddenly the door opened with a whoosh and two small Irkens entered. A male and a female. The female was carrying a collar and the male was holding a round little pod.

"Can I help you two?" Asked Deb politely. The Irken holding the collar nodded.

"Yes ma'am. You're the new pet of the Tallest, correct?"

"Yes."

"Then we've come to fit you with your new collar and Pak."

"Now hold still while I put this in." said the Irken holding the Pak, whipping out a wicked looking instrument and stepping forth. Deb backed away immediately.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" she yelped, backing away. "Don't Paks have to be burned into your back?"

"Yes, so hold still or you'll get burned."

"Oh hell no! I'm not getting that thing put in! I'm fine with the collar, but you aren't putting a Pak on this girl!" she snarled, baring her teeth in an animalistic way. "Stay back! I'm not afraid to bite!" The Irken girl with the collar slowly crept up.

"Easy, easy girl. We won't hurt you. We can hold off on the Pak for a while if you want. But look, you get a pretty collar. Would you like that?" she crooned. Deb looked at the collar. It was a standard leather affair with a silver nameplate and small jewels studded around it. She growled.

"You keep that Pak wielding maniac away from me, Got it?" she snapped. The female nodded and motioned for her companion to back off. Deb knelt down docilely and allowed the Irken to put the collar on her.

"What's your name?" she asked as the Irken straightened her collar so the nameplate gleamed in the light.

"Bari. My name is Bari." she replied. "There. All nice and pretty. The Tallest will be pleased." Deb gave Bari a quick look over. She was short, only about three and a half feet. Her ruby eyes sparkled with intelligence and kindness and her Lekku curled around her face delicately. She was actually a very pretty creature.

"Bari, where are the Tallests now?" asked Deb. Bari pointed out the door.

"In the cockpit of the Massive. Would you like to be taken to them?" Deb nodded and Bari took her hand, leading her away.

"Then let us go." she said with a smile. She looked at the male Irken and said "Kindly stand aside Scloot." Scloot obeyed reluctantly and followed them. A few minutes later, the came to the cockpit, where Red and Purple were sitting in chairs in front of a large window. Bari cleared her throat to get their attention. Red looked around and scowled at her.

"What are you doing here? I thought we told you to serve the Pet!" he snapped. Deb came into the light.

"I'm right here Red." she said, sidling up to his chair. She leaned over and whispered into his Lekku.

"What's this about trying to put a Pak in me?"

"I never ordered that! Purple?"

"Not me."

"Well, that Scloot guy tried it. I'm not very happy about it either!" Deb growled. "I had to resort to acting like an animal to keep him away." Red patted her head.

"Don't worry about it. We'll keep him away from you now" he said. Purple suddenly grinned.

"Hey Deb, wanna see something awesome?" he asked excitedly. Deb nodded and he motioned for her to sit between the two chairs. Red seemed to pick up Purple's line of thought and began to grin too.

"You there!" he said, pointing to an Elite. "Bring us Serving Drone Scloot!" The Irken saluted and ran off to fetch Scloot.

"You'll like this Deb." said Red, petting her. Deb leaned into his bi-clawed hand. The Tallests petting was actually starting to feel nice. The door to the cockpit opened with a whoosh and Scloot was brought in, looking scared.

"Drone Scloot, Did you try to install a Pak into Deb?" asked Red, glaring at the tiny Irken.

"Y-y-yes my Tallest." Scloot stammered. Red's eyes narrowed.

"And who ordered this?

"N-n-no one m-my Tallest." Scloot stammered, his eyes wide with fear. "I only thought that a Pak would help you to keep track of her."

"We can keep track of our own pet." said Purple, stroking Debs hair. "And we don't need anyone causing her any unnecessary stress. Right Red?"

"Right Purple. Throw him out of the airlock." Scloot screamed as a security guard seized him and dragged him to the airlock.

"Guys, won't throwing him out the airlock kill him?" asked Deb nervously.

"Yep." the Tallest replied in unison. Deb watched as Scloot was loaded into the airlock, kicking and begging for mercy.

"Is is necessary to kill him?"

"Yep." said Red.

"If what we've learned about human anatomy from Zim is true, not many humans could survive the process of having a Pak put it. Killing the pet of the Tallest is treason, The punishment is death. That's it, plain and simple." explained Purple, seeing Debs mortified expression. Deb nodded in silence. Red began to pet her once again, scratching her scalp gently.

"It's fun to watch once you get used to it." He said, reaching down and scratching underneath the collar. Deb sighed dreamily in satisfaction. The collar was pretty, but the leather was itchy and it felt good to be scratched.

"_If they keep up the petting, I might just forget the research and become a real pet_." she thought, vaguely watching as Red ordered the airlock to be opened and Scloot went flying out, his head exploding like some sort of grotesque meat firework after three seconds. She giggled as flying bits of Irken landed on the windshield.

"Heh heh. Splat goes the Irken." she giggled. Purpled patted the top of her head gently.

"There, see? Not so bad, was it?" he said. Deb shook her head.

"Alright Purple, I think it's time the Pet got some rest." said Red. "Bari! Have the small room next to ours cleared out and turned into the pets room."

"Yes my Tallest." said Bari obediently. "Is there anything else you wish for the pets comfort?"

"Yes, bring a large cushion so she can rest here until the room is ready." said Purple. "Red's right, she looks ready to drop." Bari ran off and immediately returned with a large plushy cushion for Deb. Deb pounced on it and curled into a fetal position.

"Shh! Sleep time now." she mumbled into the soft fabric. Red and Purple continued to pet her, even after she fell asleep.

"What an odd pet we've found eh Pur?" said Red. Purple nodded.

"Yeah, when she gets into a role, she really gets into it." he said. "Think she'll remember her original mission?"

"Five monies says she forgets after a week."

"I'll take that bet."

–

Deb awoke an hour later to a delightful smell tickling her nostrils. She looked around for the source of the smell and saw the Tallest in their chairs with a small bag of donuts each. By the smell of them, the donuts had been fresh baked and dusted liberally with cinnamon sugar. Deb rubbed her eyes sleepily.

"Hey guys." she said. "When did you get food?"

"About five minutes ago." said Purple, taking a bite out of one of his sugary O's of goodness. Deb's mouth watered and her stomach began to rumble. It had been three days since her last meal.

"Can I have some?" she asked, keeping her eyes fixed on the donuts. Purple hid them from view.

"Hey! My donuts!" he snapped. Deb pouted and turned to Red, who was in the process of transferring a donut from bag to mouth. He paused, the tasty piece of doughy heaven halfway to his mouth.

"What?" he asked. Deb stared at the donut, trying to convey her thoughts without words. A stupid move to be sure, but dammit, she was hungry! Red caught on after a moment and handed her the rest of his bag, ordering more from a passing drone. Deb nibbled her donuts in ecstasy. They were remarkably similar to earth donuts, except the had a slightly better taste. She quickly finished the bag and settled down on her cushion again. She watched the stars around them for a while before asking

"Where are we going anyway?"

"To the home planet Irk to refuel and stock up on food and drink." replied Red.

"And there's some Tallest business to deal with. We'll be staying there for a few months." said Purple. "It'll be a prime opportunity for your research."

"Sweet!" said Deb with a grin.


	3. Tours

Deb Chapter 3

"Hey guys, I just thought of something." said Deb from her cushion. "How did you guys come to be on earth in the first place?" Red groaned and slapped a hand to his forehead.

"I knew this was coming." he said. "Turns out that Cousin of yours took page out of Zim's book , hacked into the Massives' guiding system and brought us there. The Massive took off immediately, but left us behind by accident."

"We were wandering around for hours when your cousin spotted us and alerted the authorities. You know the rest." said Purple. Deb sighed.

"If we ever return to the Milky way galaxy, remind me to kill that idiot." she growled. "I wonder what he'd say if he found out I was traveling with aliens."

"He'd probably think we abducted you." said Red, scratching under Debs collar. "But we didn't, did we pet?" Deb leaned into his touch.

"No Master Red." she purred. "By the way, how long will it take us to get to Planet Irk?"

"About twelve hours." said a Communications Officer. Deb's jaw dropped.

"Twelve hours?!" she squeaked.

"thats at warp speed. At our usual pace it would take about six months." the CO replied.

"What am I going to do for twelve straight hours?" Said Deb. Purple petted her head to calm her.

"Don't worry, we'll take turns walking you around the ship. That should eat up the time nicely." he said.

"I call the first walk!" shouted Red, waving one hand in the air. Purple pouted sulkily.

"No fair. You always get her first." Deb scooted closer to Purple.

"Tell you what." she said. "After Red takes his turn, you can take me for a double long walk." Purple grinned and nodded.

"Alright Red, you can take her." said Purple. Red hopped up and gestured for Deb to follow, which she did.

"Now let's see, where to take you first?" he said. "Oh! I know! The holo-deck!" He led her down a long hallway and into a large empty room.

"In here, whatever command you give is realized." Red explained. "Go ahead, give it any command you want." Deb thought for a moment.

"Computer." she began. "Make it look like...um...Oh! A dance club filled with the rhythms of Toy box!" the machine whirred for a moment before a mechanical voice rang out.

"Music request unknown. Please produce sample." Deb pulled her iPod out of her pocket.

"Can it get a sample from this?" she asked Red, pointing to the device. Red nodded.

"Computer." he commanded. "Upload music data from the device." A long, thin mechanical tendril snaked down and scanned the iPod before morphing into an input jack and fixing itself to the iPod. It loaded within seconds and a techno beat came blaring out of the holographic speakers.

"_He's my best friend, best of all best friends, do you have a best friend too_?" sang a female voice. Deb bobbed her head to the beat before walking to the center of the dance floor and dancing.

"Come on Red!" she called out over the music. "Dance with me!" Red hovered near the door.

"Um...Irkens don't dance." he called back. Deb looked at him in shock for a moment before dashing up, grabbing his wrist and pulling him out with her.

"It's easy to dance. Just move your arms and body to the beat." she said, showing him with a sway of her hips.

"_He tickles in my tummy. He's so yummy yummy hey, you should get a best friend too_!" Deb sang along, waving her arms above her head and tapping her toes to the beat. Red watched for a moment, his long fingers twitching along with the tune. His thin hips began to move from side to side as the rhythm infected him. Within minutes the Almighty Tallest Red found himself dancing like a teen at a rave.

"This is fun!" he called over the music.

"I know, right?" Deb replied. "Earthlings have entire buildings made for it!"

"Awesome!" The two danced for a while longer before having to leave, exhausted.

"Who knew humans could have such fun?" gasped Red, still trying to regain his breath.

"Humans do a lot of things when we aren't being stupid." said Deb. "Lets go back to the bridge and rest for a bit so Purple can walk me." Red nodded and led her back. Purple jumped up instantly, but Deb lay down on her cushion, explaining that she needed to rest for a while. The next few minutes were spent staring out into the cosmos before Purple stood up.

"Come on Deb. I want to show you the Splorch ball court!" he said gleefully. Deb followed eagerly. She had been wanting to learn about the mysterious sport.

"So what is Splorch ball anyway?" She asked. Purple explained as the walked to the opposite end of the ship.

Splorch ball, it seemed, was what humans would call a combination of Paint ball, Scoop ball and Dodge ball all in one. Each team had two to six players on each side and all players were equipped with lightweight scoops on one hand. The game was played in a dark room with minimal lights. The object of the game was fairly simple; you had to dash in between obstacles to throw the balls from your scoop at the other team. The balls were filled with a goopy substance that glowed in the dark and broke on contact, making the Splorch sound that made the games name. Once you were hit you were out, but if a teammate scooped the ball out of the air before it hit you, the one who threw the ball was out. The last team standing won. If played with two people, the game went on until one opponent surrendered. Purple gave her a garment that resembled a rain poncho.

"So you won't get goop all over you." He said. Deb nodded. The lights dimmed, and the game began!


End file.
